I am super

I don’t like socializing. I’m just no good. I can wear a mask and get along with everyone but I just can’t.. It’s rare when I can find someone who I can be totally myself with. My crazy, weird, playful self. It’s difficult to find people who Want to be around me and Want to know me. I’m often forgotten. Often ignored. There’s times I think I am a super hero. I’m a super hero who’s power is to be invisible. Always. From everyone. Then there’s the moment when I find someone who I can be myself around. And soon you are in a bad mood. Not yourself. And it’s different. You become invisible to them as well and eventually it is all back to the way it is. I constantly sit alone at a lunch table and even more often at a table full of people, but I just sit there. Listen. Don’t interact, just listen. They don’t care what you have to say anyway. I’m good at listening. Iv had lots of practice. Hanging with people i consider my friends only to be ignored and left behind like I was just some person passing through. Trying to find new friends who will listen and maybe I can fix what I did wrong that made the others leave me, but who wants to listen. How does a shy girl ,who is so used to listening that she doesn’t know how to talk, make a friend. That’s the thing. Most girls like me will find someone. Most will learn to speak. But me? How do I make a friend? I don’t.